Conrad Vernon

2011-09-04T13:16:00.001-07:00

2011-09-04T13:13:00.001-07:00

2011-09-04T13:10:00.000-07:00

New sketches

2011-09-04T13:07:00.000-07:00

Home for Cuckoo

2010-11-09T16:04:00.000-08:00

A piece I did for a charity called Art Blocks for Ghana. A great organization started by Rachel Tiep-Daniels and Margaret Wuller. Check out the other pieces here:
http://artblocksghana.blogspot.com/
Such amazing art by amazing people.

A very merry un-birthday to me.

2010-03-23T14:22:00.000-07:00

My mom made this costume for me when I was in the play Alice in Wonderland. Nerdy Rabbit, Trix are for kids. Check out the sweet needlepoint in the back ground. And of course my dad with the killer comb-over.

A digital tree painting

2010-03-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

2010-03-06T10:42:00.001-08:00

More drawerins...

2010-01-23T14:54:00.000-08:00

Artwork for an iphone app I was developing. Would have been very cool but I became very busy, very quickly. Thanks to Amber Hardin for the clean-up and color. She also did the BG design.

2010-01-23T14:49:00.000-08:00

More sketchbook drawlings

Station wagon

2010-01-12T10:22:00.000-08:00

Another Munny toy I painted for a friends birthday.

Had trouble

2010-01-09T10:43:00.001-08:00

I don't know what happened but I've tried to post new stuff a few times and it won't upload. Maybe I've run out of room? How does one archive? Any illumination on this would be greatly appreciated.
Cheers

2009-01-12T13:52:00.000-08:00

Chica Boom

2009-01-03T23:02:00.000-08:00

A painting I did a long time ago for a friend. She just gave me a copy.

2008-12-28T01:25:00.000-08:00

Something I played with in Photoshop.

Krak Wolf

2008-12-27T16:06:00.000-08:00

2008-11-18T19:12:00.001-08:00

Whatta you want?!

2008-10-12T17:11:00.000-07:00

2008-10-07T23:08:00.000-07:00

According to Vincent Waller, this is what Old Roses breath smells like after a Pal Mal.

Old Rose

2008-09-27T18:25:00.000-07:00

The rubber man weds the bearded lady

2008-09-01T14:57:00.000-07:00

Something I did for an art project a friend of mine is doing. I will get a better scan of it soon.

First pages from new sketchbook

2008-08-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

Yeesh!

2008-07-26T00:09:00.000-07:00

My good friend Harland Williams being attacked by a 400lb silver back. Sweet Lord of hairy ass! He sweet talked her out of killing him and now she lives in his spacious mansion in Hollywood. I think the red rubber glove came in handy.

Memoirs of an owned dog

2008-07-13T12:17:00.000-07:00

An old drawing I found in the garage which made me laugh.

George Carlin R.I.P 1937-2008

2008-06-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

Number one of the two comedy heroes I have. The first comedian ever to make me laugh uncontrollably at age 12 and someone I could listen to non stop. His bits never got old. Click on these pictures. They're amazing!

New Stuff

2008-06-01T12:40:00.000-07:00

Finally got around to posting some new things. Sorry I haven't been more diligent in this endeavor, you can thank Matt Sharack for giving me shit.

2008-02-10T10:59:00.000-08:00

No Comment

2008-02-09T16:28:00.001-08:00

My Mom circa 1975

2008-01-21T13:06:00.001-08:00

My first Munny!

2008-01-05T16:24:00.001-08:00

Love Birds

2008-01-05T15:52:00.000-08:00

The sketch from a painting I did for a friend of mine. Can't get the painting.

For your pleasure

2008-01-05T15:51:00.000-08:00

More sketchbook stuff

2008-01-05T15:15:00.000-08:00

Warp Drive

2007-09-30T12:47:00.000-07:00

This was a show I was developing for Hyperion Studios about 15-16 years ago. It was basically Taxi in the future. I was pretty obsessed at the time with what I called "Lame future". Technological advances that do nothing to improve our way of life. Like everything floating JUST above the ground for no reason. I found these this weekend while cleaning out my garage.

Future Vegas

2007-09-30T12:44:00.001-07:00

El Eternity Mexican Restaurant

2007-09-30T12:40:00.000-07:00

The food on the plate is real and the statue blows the scent down at you as you come up the stairs.

Gary the Chicken Cell

2007-09-30T12:37:00.002-07:00

2007-09-30T12:30:00.000-07:00

Shrek 2 Puss in Boots Sequence

2007-08-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

These are my original boards for the Puss in Boots sequence in Shrek 2. I wrote and boarded this sequence at the very beginning of production on the movie just before I came on as one of the directors. There are some panels and dialog missing because I didn't want to scan in every single drawing. There are about 300 total. Hopefully this is a good enough representation that if one cares to, can check against the movie. There are more to come!

F is for F-R-E-A-K

2007-07-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

Did this for a charity for a little boy who was ill. Didn't keep a copy of it except one that was 2"x2.1" so the clarity is fuzzy. My friends have a copy and I'll try to get one of those to put up. I finally titled this "F is for F-R-E-A-K..." and liked it because either of the characters in this painting could be thinking it about the other.

King Leopold of Belgium and Cleo de Merode

2007-07-08T11:32:00.000-07:00

A little study of Art Nouveau filigree. These two had an affair in 1896. Although he was 40 years older than the dancer, the gossip columns defended the tryst touting it as the coupling of power and beauty. They found it touching that such a serious, powerful man would be seen publicly with such a young beautiful girl. To the people of Belgium, it made the king more human and likable. This was taken from the Taschen book "Art Nouveau".

Dum Willy

2007-07-02T19:57:00.000-07:00

2007-07-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

Following are some old pencil sketches I found from years ago.

Shrek Story Panel

2007-07-02T19:53:00.000-07:00

My first story panel from the first Shrek movie.

Look Barn!

2007-07-02T19:51:00.001-07:00

2007-07-02T19:47:00.000-07:00

Banana Splitz

2007-06-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

This show was the equivalent of LSD to a child. I took a dose of the Splitz once a day when I was three.

2007-06-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

Rough of a painting I'm doing for a friend.

2007-06-10T16:17:00.001-07:00

2007-06-10T16:15:00.000-07:00

2007-06-10T16:14:00.001-07:00

2007-06-10T16:11:00.000-07:00

2007-06-10T16:08:00.000-07:00

Charles Nelson Reilly, 1931-2007- R.I.P

2007-05-28T14:01:00.001-07:00

The king of Match Game, I hung on every word this guy said. They could have left the camera on him the whole show. I probably would have watched even more.

2007-05-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

2007-05-20T15:34:00.000-07:00

Some digital drawings

2007-04-14T19:53:00.000-07:00

Munny Design

2007-04-14T17:16:00.000-07:00

Sketchbook Ville Bazy, France 2000

2007-04-13T22:30:00.001-07:00

Wed. Sept. 5th, 2000 7:30 am

Ville Bazy France

Arrived here yesterday at around 3:30-4, utterly tired. The kind of tired where you literally feel your body's electricity short circuiting. PFITTZ! CRACKLE! SPUTZ!! and your whole being shakes. I consciously realized that you start hallucinating when you're in that state. I hear things that I am thinking with the clarity and volume of someone standing right next to me. I went to bed around 7:50-8 after trying incredibly hard to stay awake. I hadn't slept in 25 hours. Muriel was still talking and drinking at 9:30. Don't know how she does it. She came to bed and as I awoke to her I felt an incredible pang of loneliness. I have no idea why. It was as clear and violent as if someone had struck an iron bell with a lead pipe. And then the feeling dissipated just as the sound would have. I got a vision of...

2007-04-13T22:29:00.004-07:00

...my life back in L.A. and felt as if I were missing the entire world. Here I am surrounded by loving attentive people, in a place only few ever dream of visiting and all I can think of is "What's going on back home?" That's fucked up. I think I needed this break more than I realized. Woke up at around 1:00 am and couldn't get back to sleep. Masturbated and then dreamed of shooting a man in the head. My brother and I hid the body and didn't worry about getting caught as the man was always getting into duels and trying to kill me as well. After all, we could always blame it on one of his duels. Woke up again around 4:30 and Muriel was awake. We talked for awhile and I told her about the sadness I had felt earlier and she comforted me the best she could at the moment. Laid in bed until 6:30 then got up and took a walk. Saw a great looking Billy Goat that resembled Dr. Zeus from Planet of the Apes.

2007-04-13T22:29:00.003-07:00

2007-04-13T22:29:00.001-07:00

Thursday Sept. 6th 8:30 am

After I wrote yesterday, I had a great day. We took a walk, stopped and talked to some of the locals, had a couple of pastis at Danielle and Rudy's house , then came home for lunch. And it all went bad from there. From lunch on I had a horrible stomach ache. Got sick and missed dinner that night. But all ended up ok. I worked late and got on a regular time schedule. My stomach this morning is a little shaky but nothing a horse ride I don' think wouldn't cure. Going out with Rudy at 9:00 this morning. Just got called to breakfast.

Just got back, 12:45 pm from riding Domingo the horse. Absolutely one of the more beautiful times of my life. You couldn't have asked for a more perfect ride. It was cloudy and cool, the wind blowing , on a cliff...

2007-04-13T22:28:00.004-07:00

...overlooking the Pyrenees mountains. 3 and a half hours. Jesus! I'm wonderfully exhausted. Time for lunch.

2007-04-13T22:28:00.003-07:00

Friday September 8th , 7:45 am

I think I'll go walk and get the brain juices flowing. Can't think of anything to write except a list of activities today. Walk, eat, paint, drink, smoke,eat, hike, Go to the Harvest Festival in Limoux, call Steve Martin, eat, sleep.
It's 12:20 and Muriel and I got lost in the mountains. Fun though. We wound up wandering through farmers grape groves I'd say about 3 miles from...

2007-04-13T22:28:00.001-07:00

...where we wanted to be. Found wild boar shit. Felt like cub scouts again but without the homophobia. Ate bark, pro-created, fought off hostile tribe from the north. Killed all males and kept females to expand the clan. Life is good.

Sept. 9th, 12:50 am

Just got back from the Harvest Festival. Ate kind of shitty pizza. Who the fuck puts chunks of brie on a pizza? The French do. But Limoux is so damn beautiful it didn't matter. Walked down a carnival street afterwards and rode "Le Spookhouse" with tatie Danielle. Saw a woman sliced in half, a bum puking into a trashcan (oooo scary!), and as twine rippled over our heads a ghost (or rather a guy dressed as one) grabbed Danielle. She was screaming so loud I had to plug my ears. It was very loud. Then, after having a beer, saw a French band called "California From the Planet 2000". Jesus . They were playing the Blade Runner soundtrack...

2007-04-13T22:27:00.004-07:00

...but because they didn't understand English, they played the clips from the movie out of order. So while blue lights and white spots hit a robot (or rather a woman dressed up as one) emerging from a makeshift, plywood flying saucer, phrases such as "Do you like my owl?" and "Is this to be an empathy test?" were shot out at the audience for their sci-fi satisfaction. But I had a fantastic time. How could you not when the band is playing Mambo #5, Knock on Wood and Celtic Rap in space outfits. This was the REAL Spinal Tap. No one in the audience would clap, that was upsetting. Fucking snobs.

Saturday September 10th, 1:45pm

Nothing going on today. Really... nothing. Took a walk. Looked at some animation on the computer. Drew a little. Learned a magic trick. Getting bored, fast. Might go to Spain to see the Dali museum. That would be nice. Party tonight and visiting Carcasonne tomorrow. Ciao!

2007-04-13T22:27:00.003-07:00

Sunday September 12th, 8:55am

Just awoke to gunshots outside. Hunting season has started for wild boars. People hunting wild boars, not saying it's ok for wild boars to hunt... whatever. Shots fire and dogs bark unexpectedly and if you wait for it, startles you. Ironic that I started reading Ghandi's biography on the day hunting season started. Went to a party last night that Henry, Muriel's father, threw for Ville Bazy. It was charming. I was bored but not in a painful or bad way. I was bored in the way that anything entertains you, so I made chairs out of champagne cork tops* for the kids. Came home around 11:00 and went to bed. I must have been tired because I fell straight to sleep and didn't wake until 7:30. You can never tell how really tired you are around here. You don't know if it's exhaustion or deep relaxation. These 3:00 naps are a killer though. You go into such a deep sleep, when you wake up...

2007-04-13T22:27:00.001-07:00

... a couple of hours later, you're intensely groggy and it takes you a good 2-3 hours to fully wake up. Sometimes you feel like you might be sick or might pass out. It's definitely not like waking up in the morning. We're buying dinner tonight for everyone in Carcasonne and I will call my mother tonight. Chus.

September 11th, 12:00 pm

Just writing to remind myself to write about the key walk and the "order of operations" on the opening of the windows.

September 12th, 8:35am

Yesterday, Muriel and I took a walk to St. Hilaire. We were about to walk there, which is about 4 kilometers (3.5miles roughly) and then wait for Henry to pick us up. First we had to help Henry and Michelle (Muriel's mother) clean up the community center from the party the night before. So we went down, loaded up the champagne bottles, CD's...

2007-04-13T22:26:00.002-07:00

...and stereo, trash etc. and loaded it into Henry's car. Then Muriel and I started off. We got about 3 miles into the walk when I realized I had the car keys in my pocket. Yahoo. Muriel started in. I could do nothing but laugh. I suggested we continue onto St. Hilaire as her dad surely had another key to the car, but Muriel wouldn't hear of it. So we started back. Three quarters of the way back Henry pulled up in his car. HEY! He had an extra key. An exciting day as far as action in Ville Bazy goes.

September 12, 9:50 am

Just saw Muriel off on Domingo, so now her legs will be sore tomorrow as well. Ha, ha. I love being around those horses. It's humbling. BUT, about the order of operations. We have 3 windows here in the living room of this house, two on one wall and one on the other (see diagram*)...

2007-04-13T22:26:00.001-07:00

... All 3 open up manually and have shutters attached to all 3. Every morning they are opened by Muriel's mother. One morning, I woke up early and decided to open the windows for her. 1, then 2, then 3. I came back into the room a couple of minutes later and #1 was closed. I thought, ok, don't open #1. She doesn't like that one opened in the morning. So the next morning I opened #2 and #3 only. 1 hour later, 2 was closed and 1 and 3 were open. I thought. I thought hard. Then I had it. They were on rotation. So the next day I only opened 1 and 2 seeing as 3 hadn't had a day closed yet. Right? I came back and 1 and 2 were closed leaving 3 opened. Ok... 3 always stays open 1 and 2 are on rotation opened every other day. I woke up the next morning and thought...

2007-04-13T22:25:00.004-07:00

... 2 and 3 open the first day, 1 and 3 the second day... "I must have jumped ahead! 2 AND 3 CLOSED!!" Ha! I was a genius! I came back... 2 and 3 were closed and 1 was open. So the next morning I turned on the light and left all the windows closed. It was the first time I had done something right. They remained closed the rest of the day.

September 12th, 10:30am

Forgot to call mother! And we didn't go to Carcasonne last night. There's a gas strike going on here which means NO ONE except ambulances and police cars, fire engines etc. can buy gas. Just can't. Period. No exceptions. So we might have to stay here until we go home so we can save gas in order to get back to the hotel... hotel? Airport. Brain starting to relax... finally. Good sign.

2007-04-13T22:25:00.003-07:00

Oops. Tuesday September 12th, 12:20 pm

I've been behind by one day. Shit. Everything on e has read thus far actually happened yesterday. I'm outside the Dali museum on a sunny day in Spain. I'm sitting at an outdoor cafe. This is great. I'm enjoying a beer and a cigarette before a Dali salad and gnocchi with gorgonzola.

Wednesday September 13th, 8:55 am

Well... to catch up. The gorgonzola gnocchi made me a little ill, but that was to be expected. The Dali museum was fantastic. These artist museums are always so much better than the city museums. They're by the artist and the building, lighting and air itself feels as if you are in one of their paintings or sculptures. Nothing more inspiring. Bought books (of course) and then went driving through the winding Pyrenees. Beautiful but the carsickness... oof.

2007-04-13T22:25:00.001-07:00

We arrived in Cadaques and found a hotel called "Hotel Misty" which in German means "Hotel Shitty". Charming. The place is nice but slept "Misty" like, and am now waiting for our free breakfast. Can't wait... Hope it's not "Misty" as well. Went out last night and had seafood paella. Fantastic!! The moon rose over the darkening city full and golden. The sea lapped up on the shore calmly. Muriel, her parents, tatie Danielle and I sat outside overlooking all this. Incredible. I explained three times this morning that the women's soccer teams from Australia and Germany are playing and Germany's team is leading the game. They asked "Oh the amateur?" I said, "No, the Olympics." They said "Who?" I said the women's soccer team for the Olympics." They said "Germany?" "Yes... and Australia." I replied. They said "The World Cup?" "No... the Olympics." I said starting to wonder what I had gotten myself into. "OH! Yes, yes, yes ok..." 10 minutes later...

2007-04-13T22:24:00.002-07:00

...after having the same discussion with her parents and aunt, Muriel says, "Die frauen soccer fur Olympics..." and they all said in unison, "OHHH!!!! Die frauen soccer fur die Olympics!" And they all looked at me as if to say "Why didn't you say so, cock?" Ah the wonders of language. Jeffrey called me to apologize for POP.com closing down and to thank me for all the hard work I put in on Morto. It's nice to have acknowledgment that one is appreciated. That usually quells any dissatisfaction one might have with one's job. Unless you're a real hard case or just want to get the fuck out. Obviously the gas strike has ended, otherwise we wouldn't be here in Spain. Breakfast has arrived. What?! Gnocchi?!!

2007-04-13T22:24:00.001-07:00

Thursday September 14th, 9:35am

Just finished having breakfast after sleeping like a fucking log all night. After breakfast yesterday, we wound and wound along the cliffs and winding drops through the mountains next to the Mediterranean Sea. The Pyrenees are insane. If it wasn't for the carsickness, the anxiety attacks would have gotten to me. Probably the most dangerous driving I've ever been through. The roads in these little towns don't fit two cars side by side, not wide enough and yet they are two way streets. So as you can imagine there's a lot of backing up and then trying to dart through before another car comes along. There's also NO parking in any of these Mediterranean villages. NONE. At least cities like San Francisco has lots you can pay to get into. Between this and the winding cliffs with nothing but old rock and sometimes thin pieces of government sanctioned safety tin between you and a long drop to your death, the day was eventful. Oh, and there was...

2007-04-13T22:23:00.002-07:00

...that and the fact that Henry and Danielle were arguing most of the time trying to figure out which way to go. But even with all this, the trip was not only memorable but beautiful . The villages I spoke of were stunning. Little Chitty Chitty Bang Bang sets. Apartments hovering only 2 or 3 stories all painted in different primary colors. We stopped and I swam in the Med. Sea. So nice. Beautiful topless women sauntered back and forth on the beach whilst I floated in the calm, wave less, jade water of 72 degrees. Heaven. We then stopped at a more typical beach, still along the Med Sea, but as the other beaches had rocks, this one had sand. But the water was still warm, mostly wave less but for a few tiny ones and turquoise blue and green. We then drove home, exhausted. Of course we had to stop in St. Hilaire for dinner. Something I did not look forward to...

2007-04-13T22:23:00.001-07:00

...as I was salty, sweaty, tired and cranky, but I'm just along for the ride so... The atmosphere was great. It's a little pub/cafe that only serves one meal. French mac and cheese topped with some sort of beef stew, bread, wine, 6 different types of cheeses, wine, rum, or chocolate ice cream... oh, and wine. All the wine you could drink for one price. Tried goat cheese with a little honey and some cracked pepper on top for the first time today. It's fucking brilliant!! The chef made eggs specially for us so Muriel was trying to get me to eat it. Shit I wanted the mac and cheese. I wasn't especially hungry either. Didn't eat em. No one cared.

2007-04-13T22:22:00.002-07:00

Friday September 15th, 9:30am

Just writing to mention that I've never heard so much Phil Collins. They love him here. It's nice to hear some old Genesis stuff, not to mention some songs off of his first few albums, but they usually only play the new horny housewife shit. I've not heard anything new by Phil Collins in years and now I can honestly say I don't care. Fuck it's bad.
11:40am
Relaxing on the porch on a foggy morning. I can now say that I am officially relaxed. Good vacation. Take the next two days for this relaxed state of mind to sink in deep, then let Air France dash it all away with that horribly uncomfortable plane ride. By the time I reach L.A. and go through customs, I'll be ready for another week off. It's amazing how the airlines have uncomfortable, human cattle transport...

2007-04-13T22:22:00.001-07:00

...down to such a science that two weeks of sheer relaxation can be completely ruined in a little over 10 hours. If it's not the lack of legroom, the dry air or noise, it's the constant sting in your wallet and the uneasy feeling you've been ripped off if you happen to be traveling business class. I won't even go first. I saw the cabin in first. It sure as hell ain't worth $10,000.00. Yes, that's right folks, 10,000.00 U.S. dollars to secure the privilege of flying in their first class cabin. The only difference I could tell is the seats went all the way back into a lying position and you were only around 1 other person instead of two or three. All other benefits don't matter on a 10 hour plane ride. After 5 or 6 hours, everything is uncomfortable except my own bed. I hate the airlines.
Peace.

2007-04-13T22:20:00.000-07:00

The order of the day is-
1. Visit Muriel's grandmother
2. Visit her uncle Claude's house
3. Visit her parents friends later
Yesterday was so nice. Just sat, read , drew and walked. That's all I wanted to do. I do love driving around seeing museums, cities etc. but relaxation is key. Swam in the water hole yesterday. About 65 degrees in the water. I was only one who got in. I was ready for an alligator to nab me. The water was murky and it was a bitch getting out as the rocks were so mossy and slippery.

Saturday September 16th, 9:35am

Well, hung out at the house till around 3:00. Drew, read, Muriel painted a nice picture of Ville Bazy... Then everything went very surreal. Very, very weird and eerie. At 3:00 we drove to visit Muriel's grandmother...

2007-04-13T22:19:00.003-07:00

...She's in an old age home and has been for 3-5 years. She can't move. Her brain is still functioning normally but she can't even lift a glass of water to take a drink. Walked through hallways of basically living death. I felt so sorry for all the people there. The walls and doorways were all painted lavender. Then I went into Muriel's grandmother's room. "Oma" as they called her. Two twin beds flanked either side of the room. One with bars and a mechanical control and one without. She sat in a wheelchair staring blankly. I kissed her hello and she remembered my name from 3 years ago. I sat in a chair with a toilet built into the bottom of it while Muriel and her mother and uncle helped...

2007-04-13T22:19:00.001-07:00

...feed her juice from a cup. Henry couldn't stand being there and said a quick goodbye and whisked me out of there. He explained how the thought of ever being in a place like that made him sick. We walked down the street and sat at a cafe and had 2 beers and 2 cigarettes each. Then we walked back. We went back into the room and said goodbye to Oma. We wheeled her to a sitting room where about 6 other inmates sat staring at a TV with some cheesy French songstress wheedling out a passionless tune. We said goodbye again and began to walk away, leaving her there basically alone. I was the last one out of the room and as I turned and looked down the dark hallway leading to the TV room, I saw her watch us go, helpless...

2007-04-13T22:18:00.004-07:00

... and alone. I turned and looked 3 or 4 times at her. I wanted to wheel her out of there and down the beautiful roads of South France, even if it meant her dying. Muriel says she's been praying for death for years. After that we left and drove back to Ville Bazy and suddenly stopped in front of a house. Everyone sat in silence, then Muriel's mom got out and rattled off something in German. We were stopping to have drinks with someone. We all got out of the car and went into the yard. We sat down and had 2 pastis for about an hour and a half. We then wandered back up to the house where dinner was promptly started. I read and Muriel continued painting for about another hour and a half. Everything happens in that increment of time...

2007-04-13T22:18:00.003-07:00

Dinner was served. It was great. Left over eggplant with garlic, Roquefort stuffed celery, left over green beans, cheese, wine (3 glasses) and fruit tarts. After that tensions ran high because people started gathering at the house across from us for a congratulatory party. The son of the people who lived in the house had just graduated from chef school and was going to work in Montpellier (very hard to get a job as a chef there I am told as it is one of the most famous French cuisine areas in France). Everyone rushing shit off the table, Muriel's mother in a panic because we were discussing Rudy most of which I couldn't understand. I'm guessing they were late. People continued to gather...

2007-04-13T22:18:00.001-07:00

...more and more. We finally got ready and Henry grabbed a flashlight. This sent Muriel's mother into hysterics because we were going to cross a field in the dark. A small field of about 25 yards. Henry told her to relax and said "You look here!" and proceeded to walk 10 feet ahead of us with the flash light pointed in front of him. This drew shrieks from Muriel's mother and laughs from Muriel and I. We reached the party bloated, stuffed and tired and were promptly given a glass of champagne. If one has been keeping track, one would assume that I had had far enough to drink but a quick list...
2 beers
2 pastis
3 glasses of wine
and as you will see later, 2 glasses of champagne...

2007-04-13T22:17:00.001-07:00

The champagne was non-returnable. It was a celebration. Not toasting is rude even by my standards, so, down went the glass of champagne which was immediately refilled. Seeing as the party was for a chef, there were dessert tarts offered. These could not be refused. The guy was a chef, not eating them was an insult so, down the hatch. 1-2-3-4 tarts. At this point I started feeling very odd. Not sick, just... weird. So I made a couple more champagne cork top chairs for a little kid and and went home with Muriel after guzzling the 2nd glass of champagne down. As if this whole day wasn't weird enough, the night is stranger by far. OH THE DREAMS I HAD! For two hours this morning I thought...

2007-04-13T22:16:00.002-07:00

... I was going crazy. I still feel a little shaky and anxious. The first dream was me, in bed, here in our bedroom in Ville Bazy. I left and went to party at Steve M's house. The details of this are vague. I went back home, climbed into bed and Muriel was already there asleep. Suddenly her hand began to twitch violently. A deep Satan-like voice started saying something that I can't remember and her hand leaped onto me. It started squeezing my face, choking me, pulling my skin, all the while that voice kept talking and Muriel still fast asleep. I held it off the best I could but it kept breaking through. The phone rang. The hand dropped lifeless. It was Nate and Steve. Nate said "Man, you sure don't fool around do you?"...

2007-04-13T22:16:00.001-07:00

...I said "What are you talking about?"
"You really pissed us off last night." Nate replied. Then, the hand started in again. I threw the phone down and grabbed it by the wrist. I was holding it off pretty good when Muriel rose up, the left hand leaped into her mouth sideways and she bit down hard on it. This woke her up. I told her what was going on with her hand and she looked at it, and began punching the air with lightening speed and jerking it around with an amazed look on her face.
I screamed "You've got to stop it!" She smiled and said "Who says I want to do that?" She started throwing punches in my direction. She puckered up her lips and in a condescending...

2007-04-13T22:15:00.004-07:00

...baby voice said "Sometimes you do the cutest, stupid things..." And I woke up. I fell back asleep and thus began dream #2. This is very vague and will make really no sense but... I was at a carnival with Tifa and we were there together, like as a couple. For some reason I knew we had been together for three or four years. She wanted to go on this insane hammer ride where you got into a bullet like a cage and were spun around like on a ferris wheel, then the entire ride folded up into an arm with all the bullet cages on the end and went in a complete circle around and around... FAST. She begged me to go on it and I said okay. I looked up at the person operating the ride and it...

2007-04-13T22:15:00.003-07:00

... was Jim Henson. When my eyes went back to the line muppets were waiting to go on the ride. Ernie and Bert started a conversation with Tifa and I and it was then that I noticed Bob L. getting on the ride. He asked me if he should request movement A or B first. (being the two movements the ride made) as movement A made him him pee his pants. I said request movement B first , that way you won't have to sit in your pee as long. Just then I awoke to Henry going to the bathroom. Again, I fell asleep and I really wish I had gotten up because this started dream #3, by far the creepiest. Dream 3 kind of picked up where 2 left off. I had just dropped Tifa off at her house and was on my way up into an apartment I lived in. I started singing a Don Williams song. "Coffee black... Cigarette..." and then a voice...

2007-04-13T22:15:00.001-07:00

...from around the corner said "Start this dayyyy... like all the rest..."
I replied... "First thing every mornin' that I do..."
The voice, "I start missin' you..."
We walked around the corner and it was an old janitor with downs syndrome and a mop in one of those wheeled buckets. He smiled, we both sang together..."Some broken hearts never mend, some memories never end, some tears will never dry, my love for you will never die." I smiled and walked upstairs. A winding staircase carpeted in thin, ocher carpet. I walked though a narrow white door into a 60's fashioned apartment, dull sun on a cloudy day streaked through a giant sheer curtained window on my left. Two women with big 60's hair, pregnant and nude were standing there looking at me. We said something to each other which I can't remember...

2007-04-13T22:14:00.003-07:00

...and the phone rang. It was a female police officer telling me there was a dangerous man in the gymnastics room, mid mat. She would try to get over here as fast as she could but that I needed to get out as quickly as possible. As soon as I hung up the phone, I noticed there was a maze of white walls with white doors that had tiny door knobs on them surrounding me. I could still see the two women and the rest of the apartment. Suddenly, the door opened and a balding retarded man with a black turtleneck and white pants came through a door and went through another. He was looking for me but as I didn't move, he didn't notice me standing there. I turned a corner to go around the maze of doors and a woman, nude, standing in a rectangular doorway screamed...

2007-04-13T22:14:00.001-07:00

..."You'll never escape! He's here!! He's HERE!!!!!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" And started screaming. I turned and started going through doors. My dream then switched to third person and I saw the maze from above with the man opening, going through, and closing doors at lightening speed and suddenly his voice, saying., " Now you're in the room of pure innocence, now you're in the room of pure innocence, now you're in the room of pure innocence." The the dream switched back to first person and I was one of the nude women, running through doorway after doorway down white walled hallways carpeted in this ocher carpeting no ceiling except that of the apartment the maze was in, with the voice continuing "Now you're in the room of pure innocence"...

2007-04-13T22:13:00.002-07:00

...sometimes I would go through a door, he would see me and go back through the door he came through to cut me off. I went through a door that had a door right next to it. I saw him enter the door next to the one I just entered from the other side into the hallway I was just in. I screamed to let him know where I was, he came back through the door, didn't see me, so I ran back through the door I came through , past his door and opened a door that led to the exit. I pulled the door but before it shut, he grabbed it and we began to pull against one another. He was too strong and I let go of the door. He fell to the ground but like a cat leaped at me and a bullet hole appeared in his forehead. I saw his face. He was retarded with downs...

2007-04-13T22:13:00.001-07:00

...syndrome as I said before but with a look of intelligence and complete knowledge of what he was doing as well as a strange satisfaction on his face as he fell forward on top of me. I woke up. What the hell is going on with me? You want nightmares? Here's the recipe.
-2 beers
-2 cigarettes
-2 pastis
-3 glasses of wine(red)
-2 glasses of champagne
Take each ingredient every two hours over 1 and a half hour time spans preferably in company you don't know or can't understand. Go immediately to bed.

Saturday 9:15 pm

Well what a day. When I finished writing this morning, I proceeded to feel better, then worse.

2007-04-13T22:12:00.002-07:00

...champagne is a bubbly bitch. We drove into Carcassonne and walked around the ye olde towne, up and down centuries old streets with shops. I felt like living dead. Dizzy, a little nauseas not knowing what my body had in store for me. We sat down at a little outdoor cafe. I ordered tea and while waiting for it to come, I noticed a girl two tables away looking at me. I looked back and felt weird because as I looked at her I expected her to look away or realize she was actually looking somewhere else but she kept looking, almost staring straight at me so I held the stare. It was held for a good 4 to 5 seconds which is a long time as far as stares from strangers go. I looked away because blood suddenly flushed my head and brought me instantly out of the funk I had been in all day. I didn't say a word, just...

2007-04-13T22:12:00.001-07:00

...kept looking around and then nonchalantly glanced back, still not sure if she was actually looking at me. But there she was, looking right into my eyes. Definitely at me. I held the stare as long as I could and right as I was about to break it off again a small smile crept across her face. I freaked. I looked away instantly. What a dick am I. I don't have the faintest clue how to flirt. So I pasted a smile onto my face and looked back up so when she looked back at me she would see me smiling and know that I thought she was... I don't know! What the fuck am I doing?! This was so odd to me. She was gorgeous and talking... or rather listening to this guy yap, yap, yapping at her and was was obviously bored. She looked over at me and saw me smiling. She smiled back and mouthed the word "Bonjour." I looked away again. Jesus.

2007-04-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

... I mean, here I am, sitting with my wife and mother and father in-law being come on to by a beautiful French girl who couldn't have been more than 19 or 20. What the fuck do you do? It definitely made me feel better and gave me a much needed ego boost. I just sat there for a little over an hour not saying a word, just smiling like a dumb ass catching her glances toward me then looking away. Again, what a dick am I. All the things I should or would have done came to me after I left. Henry had his camera. I could have at least taken a picture of her by pretending to take one of the two of them as the girl's face is hard to remember now. I still have it in my mind, It just takes awhile to recall. We ate dinner at Carcassonne castle and the musical enetetainment was a guy on a Casio keyboard. He played a little tune about a man being shot by his wife for cheating (ironic) and when he got to that point in the song he hit a key that made a cheesy "BANG" on the keyboard. I was disturbed and then I laughed. I hoped someone got shot in every song he played just for the sound effect.

Monday Sept 18th 9:25 am

Well, here it is. The last day of my vacation. It has been memorable. Yesterday we went to the beach in Narbonne (about an hour drive) had a picnic and swam in the Mediterranean Sea. Windy as hell but we brought giant umbrellas and hid behind one and slept. Wonder of wonders. Came home, had a great dinner and went to sleep. Still thinking of that girl in the cafe. Gave me that wonderful melancholy feeling I haven't felt since high school. This girl likes you but it will never work because you have a girl friend and she's from a different school out of the city and you don't have your own car yet , plus, dating a girl from a different school is like, well, dating a girl from a different country. Getting ready for the next 20 hours of pure travel, then home . L.A. The weather is nice today and I have a big bottle of Percoset for the plane ride. Now let's see if the good habits I've picked up here(writing daily, drawing, hiking, eating 3 meals a day at the same time without snacking in between) can be continue when I return. Yea, right. It was a good thought anyway.

THE END

2007-04-08T23:14:00.000-07:00

2007-04-08T16:51:00.000-07:00